A Fresh Start & The Best Breakfast

Mornings are a new beginning; they mark the start of a new day where yesterday's mistakes are gone and tomorrow is still a day away. Unfortunately for me, it's also typically a time of guilt as I reflect back on the previous night's choices. Did I over eat? Did I drink wine? How can I amp up my work out to fix this? It was hard to stay present and let it go like I had read - and practiced - over and over (and over again) when my upset stomach was a pretty present reminder.

Guilt consumed me. I questioned why I made the choices I did, even if they consisted of healthy foods. After all, it was rarely what I ate or drank but more so how much that concerned me. I only felt bad about having 2 glasses of wine if it was accompanied by mindless trail mix snacking. I only felt bad about making one of my mug brownies if I felt the need to follow it up with an extra handful of almonds or an over-sized mug of cocoa. And, as the disordered eating cycle will have it, I continued on this path of unhealthy portions with the promise of a skipped breakfast and strenuous work out.

Let me tell you a little secret: skipping meals never works. It only provides further justification for unhealthy habits, and sets you up for repeated failure. Sure, skipping breakfast and going for that long run made me feel a little better about the previous nights indulgences, but it came with a cost: guilt, stress, and a deeply unhealthy relationship with food. Not to mention, it brought the "bad" from yesterday into today, preventing this day from being a fresh start; you are already making poor choices (skipping meals, over exercising) because of yesterday's decisions, and these decisions will follow you around all day. You skip breakfast. You are reminded, by hunger and then guilt, of why you skipped breakfast. You make a super healthy detoxifying lunch and skip any sweet treats. By dinner, you're pretty freakin' hungry, so you make a bigger, but still wildly healthy meal. At this point, the thoughts of last night's indulgences fall away as you start to remember that day's exercise - which was likely to be excessive. The calories burned are no longer focused on the day before, but the current day, and the hunger you still feel from that first skipped meal. And, as this viscous cycle comes full circle, you dive into that after dinner snack or dessert, because you skipped breakfast and because you ran long. Needless to say, waking up the next morning doesn't feel much better, and the justifications continue.

This had to be fixed. Not only so I could allow myself the forgiveness of a previous night's enjoyments, but so that I could actually enjoy them, and then let it go. I wanted to be able to enjoy wine with my husband, or movie night snacks with my daughters, and remember those shared moments come morning - not the amount of calories consumed. I needed to loosen the grip my disordered eating had so tightly on me in order to treat my body well. I had to stop viewing my mornings as punishment and instead view them as a fresh start; a time to forgive; turn it into a time to prepare for the day ahead, and give myself permission to eat and exercise according to my body's needs in a healthy way.

I did this by challenging myself. I took the other extreme. If there was an evening I felt I snacked when I didn't need to, indulged more than I would have liked to, or simply ate something that didn't settle with my sensitive gut, I forced myself to sit with the discomfort. I took ownership for my choices, and sat there with them. I didn't allow myself to exercise them away, and I made sure I had breakfast before shoving off to work that morning, Knowing that I didn't justify poor nighttime habits by not eating or over exercising allowed me to take charge of the situation instead of running (literally) from it. Eventually, this lead to more control of my nighttime foodie love because I was no longer able to use food restriction and exercise as an excuse. Once that extra snack was being craved, I reminded myself of those discomforted feelings I would harvest in the morning with nothing to do but sit and experience them. There was no longer an escape, just ownership.

"What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have. So have a great day - unless you have other plans" 

View mornings as a clean slate; a fresh start. Forgive yourself from anything that happened yesterday and let yourself be in this little window of now before tomorrow. Give yourself the power of choice. Choose health and happiness, not punishment and restriction. As Shannon Kaiser states in her book Adventures For Your Soul, "we can look at events in our life and see them as problems that hinder us and keep us from what we want, or we can choose to see them as opportunities for growth. We can surround our problems with love". When I took the reins, I chose to tackle my mornings with self love and positivity. I chose to make a healthy, nourishing breakfast that would honor my body. I chose to do this by reminding myself that food is simply fuel, and that regardless of the previous nights decisions, my body deserved forgiveness and care through those healthy proteins, carbs and fats. I chose the fresh start. I chose ownership. I chose to let the guilt go and release the stress encasing it. Because whether I chose to be accepting or negative, it can't change a thing about yesterday's problems, and will only carry them with me into a new day. By accepting what we can't change, we give ourselves the power of creating a better today, here, in this moment. All we have to do is set our minds to it, and follow those thoughts with action. You are sure to have a good day, because it's what you chose to do.

"Accept where you are fully to reach where you want to go faster. You are not broken; there's nothing to fix" - Shannon Kaiser

Recipe Time!

Especially on a morning following an indulgent dessert or extra helpings of salty snacks, it can be hard to decide on an answer to the question I often ask myself while staring into the fridge "What am I in the mood for?!" - I want my breakfast choice to be something I'm actually in the mood for, and not something that reflects the opposite end of the food choices from last night, I also want it to be nourishing and filling, so I can get through a busy work morning and be held over until lunch time. This colorful breakfast has been a staple morning meal - whether the previous night was a snackfest or not - because it's tasty and pretty. And, it's the perfect mixture of sweet and salty to satisfy your craving no matter which way it sways.

The Best Breakfast Ever

Ingredients:
2 hard boiled eggs
1/2 ripe Hass avocado
1 small sweet potato
1 medium cooked beet
Himalayan salt
black pepper

Bake the sweet potato until soft & remove the skin. Dice all ingredients into adorable little cubes, and add to a large bowl. It looks so brilliantly colorful when it's all separated, but as my love for mush-meals will have it, I mix it all together so the flavors are combined. Top with sprinkles of salt and pepper and voila! The best breakfast ever. Packed with  protein, healthy fats and complex carbs.

The Power of "I am" - and Popcorn!

"I am ________________".

However we choose to finish this sentence determines more than you may realize. What we believe manifests, and so if we complete this statement with words like "lazy", "lonely", or "unappreciated", then we are making a decision to harvest those feelings and keep ourselves trapped within them. We accompany those feelings with actions in order to secure their stay at our pity party. We find comfort in complaining, which only brings awareness to other possible negative endings to your "I am" views of life. Suddenly, on top of feelings of laziness, loneliness and being unappreciated, you are also telling yourself that you are stressed, that you are anxious, that you are unworthy.  You bring yourself lower and lower until the weight of all these words becomes your own personal prison. But this is no one's fault but your own.

You are the one who gave these words their power. You are the one who created the hold they have on you. You are the one who got to finish your sentence, and didn't choose accordingly. We may not always be able to control our circumstances in life, and sometimes those times are going to flat out suck, but we can control how we approach them. We can chance the ending to our "I am" sentence to empower ourselves, to persevere through, to bring ourselves up and over the hold of our negativity. As Julie Tallard Johnson discusses in her book The Zero Point Agreement, by understanding what it means to "be that" ..."we create intentions and take steps associated with these declarations; the 'I am' statement becomes 'I am the one who...' "

During some grueling training runs, I found myself stuck in a negative "I am" rut. I am tired. I am struggling. I am incapable The more I thought these things, the more I became them. Every mile dragged on, each step was an effort, thoughts of stopping plagued my mind, and my day would be flooded with complaints of what a horrible run I had. It felt terrible, and I had the power to change it. I am tired became I am training. I am struggling became I am strong. I am incapable became I am able. And, in discovering what it means to "be that", I was able to remind myself of my strengths. I am a marathon runner. Every hill became proof of successful strength training. every mile became a reminder of my capabilities, and every empowered thought brought a lightness to my training, and even on the toughest days, created a powerful positivity that lead me to completion. I am the one who trains hard. I am the one who can do this. 

Now of course, I had to find a way to apply my own "I am" statement to my food struggle. Reading the simplicity of Shannon Kaiser's words in her book Adventures For Your Soul had lead me to such a moving self discovery that it was nearly the entire source of healing my disordered eating and poor relationship with food. The statement was simply to accept who you are, and explained that she was simply someone who loved food. Boom, there it was. There I was. I didn't have to harvest these suffocating, negative feelings around my love for food, or even view it as negative at all; I could just love food. And so, my "I am" statement went from I am a victim of food to I am a food lover. What does it mean to be a food lover, then? Well, it means that I am the one who nourishes my body through the enjoyment of healthy foods. 

I genuinely love eating. Through years of getting to know my body and it's needs, I have learned that I am a better big-meal-eater rather than a snacker; again, something I used to harvest heavy guilt around. Why did I need to eat such big portions? Why couldn't I graze throughout the day? Why couldn't I enjoy a banana without it needing to be accompanied by 5 other things? Once I changed the tune of my "I am" statement, I quickly realized that it was simply because that was not who I was. I am a meal-eater, I am a food lover and this means that I am the one who enjoys food so much that I want it to last. And, because of this, I enjoy meals or snacks that can last a while - especially at nighttime.

Nighttime is my bubble. The day is done, the kids are tucked in, the house is picked up, and I get to put my feet up for the first time since that morning's coffee ritual. And, being who I am, I like to make this relaxation that much more enjoyable with the addition of food. Once I was able to let go of the guilt and stress around my nighttime eating by simply identifying this as enjoyable, I did just that - enjoyed it. However, in knowing myself and my I-like-my-food-to-last-a-while eating, I knew that a small handful of nuts or little bowl of ice cream would be gobbled too quickly, sending me right back to the kitchen for what was sure to lead to some overeating (and more guilt, and more stress, and talk of skipping breakfast and over exercising; you know the drill...) And so, I choose snacks that I can munch on slowly and make last a while. Popcorn was the answer. 

It's perfect, because you can adjust the taste to whatever you're craving -whether it be sweet or salty- and have the perfect bowl of snacking heaven to leave you feeling healthfully satisfied. 

**You are able to make this popcorn on the stove top, but I prefer (and love) my air popper**

The Sweet Tooth Popcorn

1/4 cup organic popcorn kernels 

melted coconut oil

cinnamon

coconut palm sugar

Himalayan salt 

Salt-craving Popcorn

1/4 cup organic popcorn kernels

extra virgin olive oil

Himalayan salt

optional: black pepper 

Pop kernels in air popper (or in your oil of choice over medium heat on the stove; don't forget the lid!) And simply pour the oil, add spices, and mix thoroughly. 

Eating mindfully will have this bowl of foodie love lasting you satisfyingly long enough to be the perfect feel-good snack at the end of your day. You can feel good about these health benefits too:

Popcorn according to organicfacts.net aids in digestion, helps to reduce cholesterol levels, and contains dietary fiber, vitamins (thiamin, folate, vitamin B6, niacin) and minerals (manganese, magnesium, phosphorus, zinc)

Coconut oil according to an article from Dr. Axe fights inflammation, boosts immunity, acts as a sleep aid, supports digestion, is a fat burning supplement and balances hormones.

Extra virgin olive oil according to an article from Top 10 Home Remedies lowers cholesterol, fights inflammation, aids in weight loss, protects your bones, improves brain function and reduces high blood pressure.

Cinnamon according to herbalremediesinfo.com reduces blood sugar levels, strengthens cardio vascular system, and builds immune system 

Coconut palm sugar is an unrefined, natural sugar that has a low glycemic index, and provides antioxidants, minerals, and amino acids. 

Himalayan salt according to pureformulas.com helps strengthen bones, improves circulation, promotes a healthy pH balance, and assists the intestines in nutrient absorption.

Black pepper according to herbalremediesinfo.com increases nutrient absorption, relieves gas, improves digestion, facilitates weight loss, and is a natural antidepressant. 

So! Sweet or salty, you can reap all these amazing health benefits while enjoying your late night snacking experience. Listen to your body, know your cravings, create a positive "I am" statement, and discover what that means to you. 

Ignoring Your Mind Over Matter

If it's one common theme all of these food-related blog posts will share, it's how to tune into your body and it's needs. A big part of that, for me, is to ignore the "mind over matter" games I find myself constantly tangled up in.

Take for example, dessert. I'm definitely one who craves that "end feeling" of a sweet treat that follows a meal - and it doesn't always have to be filled with white sugar or covered in chocolate; sometimes it's dried figs, coconut butter filled dates (aka bites of heaven), or even something as simple as adding a bit of raw cacao powder to my afternoon coffee. Finding enjoyment in these naturally sweet treats makes me feel like I am still getting a "dessert" without ruining the healthy meal I just finished. However, when I want an equally healthy, equally natural, equally sweet Lara Bar - my brain won't allow the thought of having a granola bar after a meal. I mean, who finishes dinner and reaches for a granola bar!? Doesn't this mean that I'm just still hungry? That maybe I should whip up an extra veggie or have a bit more protein? Do I allow myself to acknowledge the fact that having this Lara Bar (ingredients: dates and nuts) is no different than me stuffing my own dates with walnuts or coconut butter? Nope! As far as it's contents, it's no different, but my brain can't wrap itself around this individually wrapped snack food as a form of dessert. 

So, I reach for something sweet I can create myself. Though it's likely that I make - and eat - more dates and nuts on my own than if I were to have just unwrapped the damn Lara Bar. And, it's even more likely that whatever flavor bar I was craving contained different ingredients than the ones I had in the snack cabinet; when you're craving a Cashew Cookie Lara Bar and all you have are almonds, it's not quite as satisfying. But I try anyway by creating my own version, and typically end up standing at the counter stuffing date after date, and yet never filling that cashew void. So, I either move on to something else in a further attempt to find satisfaction, or end up eating the damn Lara Bar anyway knowing that it was the only way to put an end to this "dessert" that inevitably turned into a hefty nighttime snack. What. The. Hell.

My lesson here is clearly to listen to my cravings closely and, even if its directly after a meal, if I want a damn Lara Bar I should have the damn Lara Bar, and get over this mind over matter battle. Dates and nuts are a perfectly healthy "dessert" option, and even though it feels somewhat more "dessert-y" if I make it myself, actually unwrapping that one bar and enjoying it will prevent me from over indulging. If it's one thing I've learned about myself and the issue of the "unwrapping" - it's that I already struggle to do it once - so there's no chance in hell that I would ever reach for that second bar, ever. However, as mind over matter would have it, on nights that I cut up Lara Bars as treats for my girls, I doubt I would hesitate to reach for the extra chunk that would put me over that single bar serving size. See how messed up this is!? And how controlling your mind can be!? It's all how we think, and sometimes this thinking is absolutely, well, stupid. Though, it is this same thinking that has helped me control my love of almonds and other nuts (since I tend to over indulge in this department and am better off having none rather than trying to have some); big bad of almonds in the house? Bad. Bad bad bad. One handful will indefinitely lead to another, and another, and quite possibly another-nother-nother. But if I buy the "single serving" packs, I will only have the one. What is it about the packaging of Lara Bars that prevents me from enjoying it as a dessert, and of portion controlled almonds that prevents me from opening a second package? Oh, right, my brain. Silly brain. Good for almond control, bad for healthy, portion controlled after meal sweets. 

On a non-food note, this mind of matter B.S. effects me in the gym, too. Case and point: back squats. I hate them. I suck at them. It is my weak point. Give me split squats. front squats, sumo squats - any other squat - and I can handle a good 30+ pounds more than I can back squat. No idea why (okay, some idea why, funky hip and knee structure) - but this is a lift that typically comes easiest to others. Not for me! And because I am all too aware of my struggle with this squat, mind over matter takes charge when it comes time to push the weight a bit. I'll start off with the adorably small plates. I crank out a few sets, slowly increasing weight as I go. Then, it's about that time; that time where I'm ready for even more weight, but that means (dun-dun-dun) switching to the ever-so-intimidating bigger plates. Even though this is likely only about 5 lbs more than I had on the bar for my previous lift, I let the size of the plates get to me. I start to question my ability to stand back up. I lose confidence. And, do you know what I do? I chicken out. Not out of the addition of more weight, but out of the bigger plates. So, what do I do? I just add more little plates. Same weight I would have increased to (and likely even added more cute-tiny-adorableness to the bar after that set) - but could not get under the bar with those bigger, heavier plates. Damn you, mind over matter! 

We need to get out of our own heads. We need to tell mind over matter to shut the hell up and sit down. We need to know ourselves on the deepest level to uncover our needs, and in turn form healthy habits around them. We need to practice positive self talk and acceptance in order for these habits to be long lasting. Stop trying to talk yourself out of something (Lara Bar) because it seems unordinary (granola bar after a meal). Stop letting your mind create feelings of intimidation (big plates - ah!) when you could be building your own confidence (I got this!) Know yourself. Know your needs. Know what brings you feelings of completion and satisfaction. Know what builds you up and creates a desire for healthy continuance. When you are able to identify and give yourself what you need, it will feel good to be able to provide these things for yourself. These feelings of self-knowing create self-love when you listen to and respect them. In doing so, you create the best form of motivation there is: self motivation. When you are self motivated, you are not comparing yourself to others. You are not eating healthy or lifting more (or whatever it may be) because of someone else - or because you feel you should. You are doing it because you know that you are honoring your body and your needs. You feel good because of it, and you are creating long lasting habits for your ultimate health and happiness. 

So, uncover those needs! Eat the granola bar after dinner! Get those heavy plates onto that bar! And know when your mind is more controlling than the matter at hand! 

Now, the question is what recipe do I include here? Coconut butter stuffed dates are pretty, well, self explanatory, and I wouldn't be the best food blogger if I simply suggested going to your local Stop and Shop to pick up some Pecan Pie Lara Bars for dessert. 

Since I am a chocolate lover - and a fan of an after meal treat - here's a recipe for homemade chocolate cups that are both healthy and satisfying!

Ingredients:

1/2 T coconut oil 

1/2 T nut butter or tahini 

1 t raw honey or pure maple syrup 

1/2 T raw cacao powder

drop or two of vanilla

dash or two of Himalayan salt
optional add in: sprinkle of ground coffee (for a crunch and caffeine boost)

Soften the coconut oil (if solid) in the microwave. Add all other ingredients and stir until combined. Pour into a mini cupcake tin, and add an extra sprinkle of salt on top. If you like a more fudge-like texture, you can put it in the fridge until its firm. If you like the crunch of solid chocolate, the freezer is best. 

*nut butters and maple syrup make for a more sweet treat, tahini and honey make for an amazing sweet and salty combo. 

And quickly, a few health benefits of the ingredients in these delicious cups of awesomeness:

Coconut oil: According to an article from Dr. Axe, coconut oil's health benefits include but are not limited to balancing hormones, building muscle while decreasing body fat, improving digestion, energy, endurance and brain function, boosting the immune system, and reducing inflammation. 

Nut butters: According to an article from The Road to Domestication, nut butters are high in protein, fiber, healthy fats, promote heart health, stabilize blood sugar levels, increase muscle and skin tone, and trigger the hormone leptin which tells us we are full. 

Raw honey: According to creativeandhealthyfunfood.com, benefits of raw honey include powerful antioxidants, boosting the immune system, containing all of it's vitamins, nutrients and enzymes intact (when compared to regular honey), and promotes digestive health.

Raw cacao powder: According to justaddgoodstuff.com, raw cacao powder improves digestion, is extremely high in anti-oxidants, lowers blood pressure, pushes toxins out of your body, and increases blood circulation.

So, you can have your chocolate and be healthy, too!

Good Job, You Worked Out, Now Forget About It

Calorie counting absolutely ruined food for me. When I was eating "within range" I was so aware of the caloric intake with each bite that mealtime became more about math and less about fuel. When I would go over my allotted calories, whether it be by one single calorie or one hundred, I considered the day ruined and would help myself to extra of whatever I pleased - why not; in my mind, I already failed. But what I found to be the most damaging to my relationship with food was keeping track of my daily exercise, the calories it burned, and "rewarding" myself with food.

We've all been there: we work a little harder at the gym knowing that later will be filled with social drinks and indulgences. Or, when mentally battling with ourselves over whether or not to have dessert, we resort back to how many calories we burned that day, and whether or not "we earned it". Last time I checked, no one gave me a treat for sitting properly or using the bathroom instead of the carpet - oh that's right, that's because I am not a dog. And because I'm not a dog, I don't need to be rewarded with food.

Sure, there are indulgences that I enjoy like a good glass of red wine, organic dark chocolate, or some homemade Bailey's (recipe to follow)...but I shouldn't have to look back on the amount of calories I burned that day in order to enjoy them - or need to justify them at all. Food is fuel, yes, but it is also an experience; it's a time when you get to slow down and tune into what your body is needing; it's a time to sit with family and talk about your day; it's a time to sip beverages and snack on sweets while catching up with friends. If I was only allowing myself to enjoy these treats as a reward for a long run or after a good leg day at the gym, I was depriving myself of those exact experiences. Instead, I sat there in great discomfort, over-justifying my "treats" or feeling deprived for not allowing myself to have them. It was a lose-lose that made me feel irritable, which would lead to a not-so-much-fun Lauren to be around. I ruined what would have simply been a time to honor my body's needs, enjoy a nice meal with my family, or a good time with friends - all by being too aware of that day's work out in comparison to food and drink consumption. It was damn hard to take a rest day, that's for sure.

Marathon training made all of this worse.

Knowing I was running 18, 20, or 22 miles the following day opened the excuse-door for over indulging. Extra glass of wine (sugars!), large bowl of popcorn (carbs!) handfuls of almonds (fats!) - it was pretty easy to justify these things away knowing the amount of calories about to be burned. And even though my appetite is typically suppressed right after a training run, it eventually picks back up - and the justifications come flooding back in: "I ran 20 miles today, and I didn't have breakfast; extra dessert tonight, I earned it!" But, did I, though? Despite two and a half hours of running, I still overate the night before as "preparation" and am still planning on "extra" indulgences later, just to pat myself on the back. By doing this, food was less about enjoyment or fuel, and more about excuses. I may not have felt hungry, but the knowledge of that morning's skipped breakfast plus the 18 mile run I accomplished would send me to the fridge on autopilot. In these ways, being aware of my calorie intake on top of my calories burned was disastrous to my relationship with food - and my body. A little extra protein before and after such a strenuous work out would have sufficed just fine had I stopped counting the day's caloric intake versus those burned.

My advice? Exercise, yes! But then forget about it. Don't think about what you did that day when it comes down to "allowing" yourself to have food. As the saying goes, you can't out run your fork; just because you worked out that day does not give you permission to go crazy in the kitchen. Eating should come from honoring your body and the hard work you put into it. What are you in the mood for? What is your body needing? Are you properly fueled (protein/complex carb/good fats) for what lies ahead? Tuning into these questions will help you eat mindfully, based simply on you and your needs - the body is good that way. It's likely that if you had a strenuous work out, at some point, you will be hungry for that little bit extra. It's tuning into what that is that will save you. Sweet? Salty? Hydration? Carbs? Make the best decision for your recovering body based on these needs, and you won't need to reflect back to that day's gym session or logged miles.

*The other day after a training run, for a snack, I boiled a chicken thigh, sprikled it with Himalayan salt, and chomped it down. Salty protein was what I craved, and though definitely an unconventional snack, was just what I needed. And later, when we had company for dinner and drinks, I had wine, munched on tortilla chips, and enjoyed the entirety of my seaweed salad and sushi take out because I felt like it. Not because I ran 18 miles earlier, not because I did the math and could still "afford" the extra glass of red, but because we had the combination of great friends and great food, which made for a great experience; an experience I would have partaken with a shaky, wine-glass-filled-hand had I not let go of the food/exercise comparison.

Exercise for health. Eat for fuel. Indulge mindfully with friends. Enjoy food with family. But do yourself a favor and stop the counting. Stop comparing. Stop "allowing" or depriving yourself. Stop treating food and drinks like something you need to earn. Don't ruin food for yourself like I had done for years. Honor your body and enjoy the experiences that go along with it.

And when you need a sweet after dinner treat, try this homemade Bailey's recipe:

Homemade Bailey's (single serving):
1 cup of milk (works best with creamy, raw milk or organic whole milk, but can be substituted with almond/cashew milk)
1/3 cup brewed coffee
1T pure maple syrup (or coconut palm syrup)
few drops of vanilla
1 shot of whiskey (for extra sweetness, try Honey Jack or Maple Crown Royal)
Shake with ice or blend and serve.

So tasty that it serves as a drink and dessert - the perfect treat that you didn't need to do a thing to earn ;)