What The Heck Do I Want? Staple Sweet Tooth Meal

My sweet tooth is pretty much always in high gear. If I ate the way my cravings lead me, I would likely snack non-stop all day on a variety of granola, yogurt, bananas, nuts, dates, figs and dark chocolate, all while sipping sweetened coffee or homemade hot cocoa. However, my need and knowledge of the well balanced protein-carb-fat meal has luckily put a stop to what would likely be a sugar overload - even of the healthy variety. 

I used to force myself in the other direction when the sweet cravings hit, convincing myself that I'd be better off making a loaded salad, or something paired with tons of veggies. I figured that once I ate a good meal, the craving would go away, or in the very least be satisfied with an after-meal square of chocolate. 

This was never the case.

I would make the salad, load it up with chicken, avocado, quinoa, veggies and sunflower seeds, dress it up with a little olive oil and spice, and sit down to devour this hearty goodness. Though my typical salad looks like it should feed about 3 people, during these sweet cravings, I could eat the whole thing and never feel full. Instead of enjoying my meal, I was tunnel visioned to it being consumed so that I could get to that chocolate that was whispering sweet nothings from the kitchen snack cabinet. So now, I am - or should be - full, and am simply reaching for that chocolate for reasons none other than to satisfy that sweet tooth. The problem is that once I have that taste, the last thing I feel is satisfied. One square turns into two, two into four, and because my body is finally getting what it had been craving all along, it just yearns for more. Instead of an afternoon cup of tea, I make another coffee, or suggest hot chocolate to my daughters (sugar indulgences like company the same way misery does). Before I know it, I am finally satisfied and full, but to an uncomfortable point. Here's where I typically board the guilt roller coaster, where my mind goes through the ups and downs of justification and food or exercise modifications to make up for my indulgence. 

How could I fix this? It wasn't what I was eating that made me feel poorly, but the control I felt it had over me. I needed that something sweet, and yet forced myself to eat what I thought would be a filling, healthier option. If I ate a lot of something healthy and didn't leave much room for the sweets, I wouldn't be able to eat much of it - that's what I wanted to believe, anyway. But trial and error repeatedly taught me that this would never be the case. What were my options here? Not keeping sweet things in the house came to mind, but I quickly realized that I would be left in the same boat: craving something sweet and trying to fill the void with "better" options. Plus, I enjoy satisfying my sweet tooth! I love the sugary explosion my taste buds experience when I sip that hot cocoa, nibble that chocolate, or taste my kiddo's ice cream. I had to identify the problem, and that was having an "end point"; it was so easy to go for a little extra after a meal. Solution? Turn my meal itself into something that could satisfy my craving. 

It had to be something filling, something with protein, good carbs and healthy fats. It had to leave my sweet tooth satisfied and my belly full. And with these guidelines in mind, my staple sweet tooth meal was created. It's my savior on those craving-filled days. I'm able to be fully present with my meal, enjoy the sweet taste of each bite, and finish without the pull towards the chocolate in the cabinet.

So, what's in it? Sweet potato, unsweetened vanilla almond milk, boiled chicken thighs, chopped walnuts, Himalayan pink salt, and cinnamon. 

Before I get into how I make it (which is incredibly quick and easy), lets dive into a little nutritional facts.

Sweet potatoes, according to thescienceofeating.com, has a long list of benefits including but not limited to being antioxidant rich, maintains collagen, are rich in fiber, balances electrolytes, aids in weight loss and digestive health, detoxifies heavy metals, and improves immunity. An article from Vegan Family Recipes adds that sweet potatoes are a good source of magnesium and high in the vitamin B6, Basically, they're delicious, naturally sweet, and totally awesome. 

Dark meat chicken is a new switch for me from your standard white meat chicken breast. After reading Run Fast Eat Slow by Shalane Flanagan and Elyse Kopecky, I learned that though it is higher in fat, it's good fat, and, as they love to remind you throughout their book, fat is a carrier for flavor - and I'm all about good fats and more flavor. It's also more mineral dense than the breast of the chicken, including iron and "energy-giving" B vitamins. 

Walnuts, like most nuts, are filled with heart healthy fats, and, referring back to Run Fast Eat Slow, they contain "muscle-loving amino acids, and bone-building minerals". According to healthyhubb.com, walnuts contain the highest level of anti oxidants over any other plant or nut, which helps the body fight off heart damaging free radicals. Containing copper, potassium, calcium, iron, zinc and selenium contribute to the peak performance of metabolic activities, which boosts your metabolism and keep your digestive tract healthy. The healthy fats from walnuts are used slowly for long lasting energy. And their freaking tasty. 

Himalayan pink salt is a switch I made years ago from iodized white salt. Himalayan salt is not stripped of essential minerals, and, according to an article from Tastes of Health, contains 84 of those minerals. It also acts as a detoxifier, promotes healthy pH balance, boosts bone strength and prevents muscle cramps - a great addition to an athlete's diet. 

Making this bowl of sweet goodness is simple. 

1) Microwave a small/medium sweet potato until fully cooked (about 7.5 minutes in our microwave). Remove skin and mash with almond milk until smooth and creamy. 

2) Boil a single portion of chicken thighs (you can cook them in a skillet with oil, but I prefer boiling them for the tender, juiciness); chop into small pieces and add to the sweet potato mash.

3) Add 1/4 cup of chopped walnuts, sprinkle with Himalayan salt and cinnamon, and give it a good mix. Add more cinnamon or salt for taste. If you're sweet tooth is extra wild that day, you can add a sprinkle of coconut palm sugar or drizzle of pure maple syrup. 

So now, when lunch or dinner time is closing in, and I feel that need for something sweet, this is my go-to meal. It allows me to listen to my body's cravings, and satisfy them in a way that won't lead to unhealthy eating. And, if I still choose to treat myself to that after meal chocolate, I find that I am able to stop after the allotted amount because I gave my body what it needed through a wholesome, hearty meal. It's fabulous. 

When Eating Healthy Can Be Bad

There they were, the container of almonds. Oh, almonds, and the staring contests we would play out while I fought a mental battle with myself, gripping tightly to the snack cabinet. What's a handful? One handful, and that's it. It's a healthy snack, and nothing I should feel bad about. Just one little handful, and I'll be satisfied. I can do it. Handful of almonds, commence. There. But now that handful is gone, and the last thing I feel is satisfied. I re-open the package just to grab a few more. Then another few, and maybe just a few more. By now I am feeling ravenous - maybe I'm just hungry? So I grab for a banana. Still feeling hungry. A few more almonds should do the trick, though now, being aware of all the calories I'm taking in, I'm starting to feel guilty. How can I justify having my days worth of fat and calories in the last 10 minutes? I know! I'll skip dinner. Better yet, I'll skip dinner and plan a long run tomorrow to be sure I burn it off. That'll do it. And because now, it's justified, I might as well have more almonds.

This was the F'd up mentality I had around several foods for as long as I can remember. I'd try so hard to "just have a few", and punished myself mentally and psychically when I was unable to do so. Comparison never did me any good, because I would think "there are people out there who binge on cake, cookies and potato chips - this is not that bad", or I would remind myself that these things were seemingly healthy, which blocked the fact that anything devoured in that amount was, in fact, unhealthy. In this way, eating healthy foods actually lead me to binges. I would have been much better off eating a chemical, fake-food filled candy bar, knowing it was bad for me, and letting that pump the brakes for further snacking. Instead, I reach for the "healthier" options of nuts, organic tortilla chips with guacamole, veggie straws, or homemade "paleo" desserts; but because I was able to identify these foods as "good for me", there was little guilt about reaching for seconds or thirds; that was, until I felt out of control and so full my stomach hurt.

I wanted so badly to be a moderate snacker: someone who could have a bite, handful, or taste of something and let that explosion of flavor on my taste buds create satiety alone. I got angry with myself when that one little taste nearly always turned into a yearning for more. The energy I spent fighting over these food decisions was exhausting; from the self-arguments of "don't do it" to the justifications of my choices being healthy, followed by the punishment of a skipped meal or plan to overexercise. I felt out of control and angry, and the ripple effect of my negative energy reached everyone in my home; yelling at the dogs, low patience with the kids, not wanting to be touched by my husband - everyone suffered because of my battle with food. I was constantly in a state of comparison and yearning that I was too busy wishing I was different to realize who I really was: an abstainer who just loves food.

This realization came after diving into Gretchen Rubin's book Better Than Before. Early on, she describes people as moderators (people who feel satisfied with a little) or abstainers (people who are better off not having certain things whatsoever). Just reading these two descriptions was like a high-five "DUH" to the forehead: I'm not broken, nothing is wrong with me, I'm just trying to force myself into the moderator category when really, I'm an abstainer. I was instantly filled with self love and acceptance along with this realization. It was like I was allowing myself to just be me for the first time. I no longer felt I had to compare myself to others or wish I was different. In the process of simply moving myself into the abstainer mindset, I got to know myself better - and there was a lot to learn.

I learned about my "trigger foods" (nuts, tortilla chips, anything dipped in tahini). I learned when these foods were likely to be overeaten (after a glass of wine, as a nighttime snack, if munched on while cooking). And, I learned what good solutions would be (buying single serving packs, only using these foods in recipes, and abstaining from them otherwise). I had to learn about myself before I could come up with a solution to my problem. I had to own this problem as my own, instead of wishing it away or comparing it to others. I had to tune out all the voices who praised me for being a healthy eater or "so skinny" (why is that a compliment, anyway?), and know for myself how unhealthy I felt. Food had control of me - certain ones, anyway - but I had the power to take that control back by simply learning about myself, and doing something about the areas that created guilt, stress, anxiety, and struggle. Who knew a relationship with such "healthy" foods could be so unhealthy? I had to break up with almonds.

It all comes down to getting to know yourself for who you truly are. You cannot force yourself to be someone you are not if you want to create genuine change. If you are changing because you were told you "should", it will be a short lived change. The change has to be driven from a power that comes from within. You have to create the change, be aware of your strengths, notice how good you feel, and let this self-driven positivity carry you through your habit formation. It takes a lot of hard work to outgrow old habits and create new, long lasting ones, but as long as it's you that wants to make the change and you that is creating the drive to continue, you will be successful. `

Okay, recipe time!

I am a night eater. This is another thing I used to beat myself up for, since you read so many things about not eating after a certain time, or fasting for 16 hours between dinner and breakfast. Nighttime, like my morning coffee, is my time, The day is done, the kids are tucked in, the house is picked up, and I get to put my feet up for what is likely to be the first time all day since that morning coffee. It's also the very small window of relaxation before going to bed and gearing up for the following day's work out and client-packed morning. What I am not at night is a reader or a writer. I am a lazy, tired human who wants to enjoy a lil' somethin' while watching a lil' TV before turning into a pumpkin, as my dad would say. But these snack choices had to honor my body, my needs, and respect my weaknesses. Like a lot of people out there, this is a time when my sweet tooth is in high gear. If a pan of healthy brownies sits on my counter, I'll go back for more. I've learned that. So, my solution was to come up with a healthy, but single-serve option that would be both filling and sweet-tooth-satisfying. And so, my favorite 90 second microwave mug brownie was born.

Ingredients:

1 large egg
1/4 cup almond flour
2 T raw cacao powder
1 T sweetener (I like coconut palm syrup or natural maple syrup)
1t fat (I prefer clarified butter - ghee - but you can also use coconut oil or butter)
1 T brewed coffee
few drops of vanilla
dash of Himalayan salt
optional additions: vanilla ice cream, chopped nuts

In a microwaveable mug, grease the inside with your fat of choice. Whisk the egg with a fork before adding all other ingredients. Mix well, and simply microwave for about 90 seconds.

I like to top mine with just a bit of ice cream while it's still warm! And, because I've also learned that I'm able to have nuts in recipes, I'll often add a few crushed walnuts on top or bake them right in it. It's moist, chocolately, sweet, and filling, so I'm not retreating to the snack cabinet once I reach the bottom of the mug. I enjoy each bite guilt free, because I'm not thinking of those who stopped eating 2 hours ago, or those who chose an apple instead. I'm not wishing that I didn't need this nighttime indulgence, and when I'm finishing, I'm not wishing I didn't eat it. I allow myself to just enjoy it, as Lauren, someone who loves food - even after dinner.

What's In My Cup?

In our daily lives, we play several different roles. As soon as my two daughters are awake, it's Lauren The Mother, where requests for breakfast and questions about the day's plans begin. When I leave for work, it's Lauren The Massage Therapist, where I spend hours helping others heal and feel better. When I arrive back home, it's back to Lauren The Mother, as more meals are made, plans are followed through, errands are run, baths are given and beds are tucked in tight. On evenings that my husband and I share off, it's Lauren The Wife, where we spend the night catching up with each other, sharing stories, and cuddled up with the latest episode of the week. And these are just my lead roles; add in Lauren The Daughter/Sister/Aunt/Friend - you name it. For every role we play in our lives, we give a little of ourselves to others; we are there to help, listen, give advice, lend a hand - all of these things require something from us. This is no problem, that is, if you actually have that something to give. The issue is that most of us are so caught up in all of these roles we're performing within our day to day lives, that we aren't leaving enough time to just be.

For years I went from one role to the next, without a break, and felt totally burned out. I felt anger and resentment towards my husband for working such long hours while I was left at home to care for two young kids. I had little tolerance for family drama and wasted tremendous amounts of energy wishing things were different. It seemed impossible to keep healthy relationships with old friends with kids yelling in the background of phone calls or the overwhelming amount of laundry needing to be folded during their nap. I griped and moaned about never having time for myself, made everything I needed to do seem strenuous, devoted so much time to my kids that I didn't leave room for that same love, patience, kindness or effort in any other aspect of my life. I ran myself right into the ground, and it was a vicious, repetitive cycle. All these Lauren Roles, but when the hell did I just get to be Lauren? Just me. Me time. Time without interruption, time to do what I pleased; not because it worked for our schedule or would benefit anyone else - just whatever the hell I felt like doing, for a small window each day. And so, I created that window of time, and I cherish it every damn day: coffee time.

Coffee is my EVENT. I look forward to my unnecessarily early alarm, that hot cup of coffee filled with all my foodie favorites, and my ability to just be Lauren. I can read, I can write, I can snuggle up with my puppy-buddy Petey, I can mindlessly browse my phone, finally return emails or messages to friends and family, or just sit in the still, quiet of our house while everyone peacefully sleeps. This coffee time (literally) fills my cup; I am doing something for myself, and because I mindfully take the time to tune into my needs - even just for this short, early hour - I feel taken care of. After all, we create our own happiness, and I can't rely on the day's unfolding to create it for me. I leave this hour feeling refreshed and ready for the day. When I hear the turn of the doorknob from our youngest's room, I invite those little footsteps with a smile instead of an eye roll. I feel ready to wear my first hat of the day, ready to take care of others, and am able to do it genuinely and with more patience knowing that I took that Lauren Time to put myself and my needs first. It's not selfish, it's necessary. I am the best Mother, Wife, Massage Therapist, Friend and Family Member I can be once I am taken care of. If I were to keep putting myself last, after all these different hats were worn and roles were carried out, I wouldn't be performing to the best of my ability. And so, I take my coffee time very seriously. It's a morning date with myself that I never miss.

What I put in my cup is also an important part of this coffee time, because it's what will fuel my client-filled mornings, and is the first bit of nourishment I put into my body for the day. Knowing I am having a loaded, healthy coffee helps me continue to make healthy choices throughout the day. So, what's in my cup?

My usual cup-o-Lauren is made up of freshly brewed coffee, splash of nut milk (my favorite is cashew), coconut palm suagr, collagen, and fat.

So, the coffee and milk part is seemingly normal, yes? Maybe even the coconut sugar, eh? Here's why my coffee is so amazing.

Why coconut palm sugar?
To be honest, years ago, I heard "white sugar is bad" and simply said "Okay!" and cut it out. My paleo eating habits had lead me to the discovery of organic coconut palm sugar, and I've been using it ever since.
-It's free of pesticides, chemicals, preservatives, artificial B.S. and additives.
-It contains vital minerals like zinc, potassium, iron, calcium and copper to name a few.
-It's rich in amino acids which the body needs to build proteins required to repair body tissues, aid growth and maintain healthy enzyme, tissue and hormone function.
Basically, it rocks, it's delicious, and good for you, too. You can find it in the natural section of your grocery store, or online: https://www.amazon.com/Wholesome-Sweeteners-Organic-Coconut-16-Ounce/dp/B007TGH4CK/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1487505427&sr=8-3&keywords=coconut+palm+sugar

Why Collagen?
I may be born to run with marathon-running parents, but I was certainly not built for it. I fractured a hip running when I was 14, and had two knee surgeries by 18. Incorporating strength training has helped immensely, but I knew my body still needed the extra support. Collagen provides this support in a long list of ways. It has been known for it's skin, hair and nail benefits, but here are the ones that grabbed my attention as I entered my own marathon training:
-it aids digestion by breaking down the proteins and fats in your foods
-it provides amino acids which support your bones and joints by lessening inflammation and repairing tissue; this helps athletes boost their performance by shortening recovery after exercise.
It dissolves in hot or cold liquids, and when added to coffee, creates this frothy awesomeness.

Why fat?
Our bodies need (good) fat, and getting them in first thing in the morning helps provide energy. According to Women's Health Magazine, Health Coach Kerry Bajaj states that starting your morning with healthy fats is good for cognitive function, and supports your hormonal system. The omega-3's and omega-6's in butter from grass-fed cows are similar to the healthy fat breakdown of fatty fish, and coconut oil consists of MCT's (Medium Chain Triglycerides), which is a unique form of fat that requires less energy and enzymes to be digested, Kerry explains. Coconut oil is rapidly absorbed by the body and therefore quickly metabolized as fuel instead of being stored as fat, in comparison to long-chain fatty acids. Research has shown that coconut oil speeds your metabolism and boost your immune system. You can also use ghee, which is clarified butter, or coconut butter, which is pureed coconut, instead of just the oil. The best places to find these items are Ocean State Job Lot, the "foodie section" at Marshall's, TJ Maxx, or Home Goods (weird, right!?), or good old Amazon.com.

It's a cup of wholesome deliciousness.
When my sweet tooth is in high gear, I'll add a tablespoon of raw cacao powder and swap the coconut sugar for pure maple syrup. Also amazing.

My mornings rock, both for my mental well-being and for a healthy start to the usual day of chaos. I can give more to others by first giving to myself. Cheers, to a mug filled morning of awesome.

The Journey Begins

Food has always been a "thing" for me. I grew up with the world's biggest sweet tooth and over indulged in chocolate bars, cookies, ice cream - you name it - whenever the opportunity came my way. Sleepovers were spent eating entire bags of peanut butter MnM's and waking up to a box of Dunkin' Donuts.Thanksgiving dinner was always portioned small and ended quick so I could dive into the blueberry pie. I had no problem devouring a solid white chocolate bunny each Easter morning, and I tried to convince my parents on a weekly basis to buy Lucky Charms cereal - and that I would totally eat the cereal parts, too. Funny thing about these gluttonous memories is that they are not all filled with smiles and full bellies, but also with restrictions, binges, and overexercising.

From an early age, I remember "preparing" for such days by skipping breakfast and lunch in order to indulge in dinner and dessert. I remember justifying my eating by planning the following day's work out, or worse, knowing that I always had the option to throw it up later. I struggled with the fact that I was more of an abstainer (someone who is better off avoiding certain foods completely) rather than a moderator (someone who is able to have a some and feel satisfied). This would often lead to binges, and eventually, to the removal of said food group from my diet; both because I felt so guilty about the amount I indulged in that I was okay never having it again, and also to justify finishing off that tub of ice cream or pot of spaghetti."This is fine, because after today I'm never eating dairy or wheat again". I even remember one Easter that I begged my parents (I mean...the Easter Bunny...) to fill my basket with health foods from Trader Joe's, and even more vividly remember reading the portion size on the label and restricting myself to the tiny amount of organic cheese curls I was allotted.

These thoughts and actions came and went over the years, but when I became a mama for the second time, they all trickled back in. Our daughter struggled with digestion, and because she was breastfed, my diet was the guinea pig for her belly. No dairy, wheat, or soy was to be included in anything I ate, and, being a runner, I was advised to count my calories to be sure to keep up my milk supply. This was by far the unhealthiest relationship I had with food. I felt deprived of things I loved, and was eating more than ever to try and fill the void of what I could no longer have. If I went for a long run, I forced myself to eat when I wasn't hungry to make up for the calories burned. On days that involved less activity, though I didn't need to, I still counted those calories. The worst part about it was that when you went over your allotted number, the count went from green to bold and red with a big negative symbol in front. This played games with my mind like you wouldn't believe. Instead of simply stopping after that little extra dessert or glass of wine that put me just a few calories over, I completely through the day away. "Well, I've already failed, might as well have more". Before I knew it I was on my 3rd refill of tortilla chips and more than ready for the 4th. I wasn't enjoying this eating, I was just eating. I felt controlled by those numbers in my calorie counter, and I was good at playing the victim. On the outside, I made excuses: I had to eat this much for my daughter. But, on the inside, I beat myself up. I talked negatively to myself, harvested some heavy guilt the morning after a binge, restricted that day's meals, and planned a double digit run to take care of the rest.

With guilt comes it's ugly twin sister, stress. The amount of time I wasted feeling stressed about what I was going to eat, what I did eat, or forcing myself not to eat was an endless, viscous cycle that zapped my energy to properly deal with anything else. My kids suffered from it because I was impatient. My husband suffered from it because I was moody. I suffered because I didn't know how to love myself. This cycle had to change. I had to change. I had to practice self love in order to become happy from the inside out. I knew this was the first step because in order to create a better relationship with food, it had to come from a place of self respect. I had to love myself and my body enough to eat in ways that honored it. And so, I began my journey to happiness. I read book after book on health foods, habit formation, and happiness. I became a Wellness Coach to further educate myself through the process and to help others along the way by sharing my new found passion. I started sharing photos of the wacky foods I would create on social media, and slowly but surely found myself heading in the right direction for a better relationship with food - and myself.

I loved my job as a Sports Massage Therapist, and looked forward to building a clientele as a Wellness Coach, but I still felt a pull to do something more - I just couldn't put my finger on what that "more" was exactly. I took advice from happiness books and sat there identifying the things that made me effortlessly happy. I thought about what I would do for fun as a kid, what I was drawn to do in my spare time, what the perfect, kid-free afternoon looked like, and reflected on times where I felt a surge of excitement. All of these things could be summed up with two words: writing and food. Whenever I wrote a blog post that flowed naturally, I felt accomplished, excited, happy, and a willingness to share. Whenever I created a weird dish of what I liked to call "happy belly" or "Lauren food", I felt a creative power that I enjoyed sharing on social media sites, with foodie-loving family members, or testing out on my husband and kids. That surge of excitement was amplified when I received private messages from friends old and new who read my blog or tried my recipe and had overwhelmingly kind things to say. So, there I was, a food and writing-loving Sports Massage Therapist and Wellness Coach who identified her passions, and yet, still didn't know exactly what the hell to do with it all. Writing a book on happiness never fully appealed to me, since there are already so many out there and I didn't feel mine would have any new or different information. Working at foodie heaven Whole Foods came to mind (that's how I know I'm a little more obsessed with food than your average Joe, I would take a minimum wage job just to be surrounded by the good stuff!!) - but, that didn't seem to fill the space for that "more" I was yearning for. Thoughts of opening a healthy cafe in our town came to mind, where I could serve up collagen and ghee filled coffee and offer a small variety of Lauren-food snacks and meals, but I didn't want the headache of renting a building, having employees, or competing with some of the successful shops in surrounding towns. So, what the hell was this "more" that kept pulling at me?

A cookbook. A personal story sharing, Wellness Coach guided, self-loving, foodie-food cookbook. The thought came to me like a lightning bolt while reading Elizabeth Gilbert's creative masterpiece Big Magic. It was just like she described: an idea came knocking on my door and swept me off of my feet when I opened it. It was like this idea was created and meant just for me. It combined everything I loved: an ability to share personal stories of struggle and strength, while sharing Wellness Coaching ways to build life long happiness habits, and an ability to eat better to be better by sharing some wacky, healthy recipes that helped me heal my relationship with food. This was it. This was my "more".

I dove into the world wide web and immediately started making lists of what a successful cookbook  entailed. My fingers couldn't keep up as I typed idea after idea for story/coaching/recipe pairings. The energy surging through me was an excitement I had never experienced before. This was my chance to put my passions out into the world. Whether it becomes a huge published success or stays small and humble through a food blog, I didn't care. I was excited to take this idea and run with it, to have writing inspiration that would never run out, and to help others become healthier along the way.

Most people assume that I would never have issues with food, care about calorie intake, or second guess dessert, because despite these descriptions of binge eating, I am and have always been rail thin. Too thin, even, that as a teenager I was embarrassed to wear shorts because my knobby knees and pale legs resembled birch trees more than my peers' shapely figures. A conversation with my sister in law about my food struggled left her feeling shocked, and also created an awareness that food disorders go deeper than just body image. That's exactly what I am hoping to share in these posts, and what may someday be a book - that I was a victim of food. I compared myself to others in an unhealthy way, thought poorly of myself, judged every food decision I made, and felt completely controlled by food. It wasn't until I accepted myself for who I was - someone who really loved food - that I was able to love myself enough to overcome these disordered eating habits, gain control of my thoughts surrounding food, let go of the comparison to others, and allow myself to just be. I will always be a work in progress, as we always have room for growth, but I was able to take a struggle and a passion and combine them, and now, I have the ability to share these things with the world. So grab a fork, have lots of coconut oil on hand, tell yourself you're beautiful, and let's do this.